Well, as most of you know, David was denied release at his six-month custody review on February 9th.
And with that, we have exhausted every other remedy available to us to get him out of custody while he waits for the decision on his visa. Now, all we really can do is wait for that.
We submitted the documentation for the Request for Evidence (RFE) in David's case. USCIS received it on February 10th. Our attorney says if we don't hear anything within 30 days, we'll inquire again. But we're giving it at least that much time, although a decision could and might be made much sooner than that.
And this is where I become paralyzed with fear. This case is getting down to the wire. SOMETHING is going to happen in the next 2-3 weeks. A decision is finally going to be made. And I'm scared to death about it. I had a bad dream about it last night that ended with me waking up crying. And then a feeling of relief that it wasn't real.
One of two things will happen: either the waiver of inadmissibility will be approved, which will finally allow David to be released from custody while he awaits deferred action for his visa, and he can come home and life can start getting back to normal. Which is obviously what we want.
OR, the waiver of inadmissibility will be denied, making him ineligible for the visa, and once again they will attempt to (and I'm sure, be be able to) remove him from the country and send him back to Mexico. In which case our entire lives will change and our world will be flipped upside down.
The thought of that--like I said--scares me to death. I don't want that to happen. I just don't. But I have no control over it. There is nothing either of us can do. This decision is up to one person or group of people, reviewing David's case up in Vermont somewhere, who have no idea who he is, reading his life laid out on a piece of paper and deciding whether or not he merits their discretion to be allowed to stay in this country. And once that decision is made, if it's not what we want, there's nothing we can do about it. I don't know if I can handle that.
I mean, I'm sure I can. I'm sure even if the worst happens, I will stumble and probably fall for a little bit. But then I'll pick myself back up like I always do, and we'll do whatever we have to do at that point to keep fighting in whatever way we can. Even if we have to be thousands of miles apart to do it.
I just wish I could know. I wish I knew what was going to happen--is he going to stay or go? Or even have a precise end date so I don't have to get through every day with anxiety and dread and optimism and pessimism and "Will I hear something today?" And when I don't, wake up the next day and start it all over again. Obsessively check my e-mail and the USCIS Case Status. Jump every time my phone rings, thinking it might be the attorney with news. It's ridiculous.
This has been the most stressful and difficult period of my life, and I'm sure of David's life as well. Uncertainty, separation, waiting, basically having our lives put on hold...it really sucks. I wouldn't wish this on anyone else in the world. (Well, maybe a couple people. Haha.)
But, we're going to get through it. We have to. And we will. We have each other. No matter where in the world we are, how far apart we may end up from each other, how long it takes or what we have to do, WE STILL HAVE EACH OTHER. I am so lucky to have found what I have with David. It's more than love, it's more than passion, it's more than a best friend--it's like I've met the one my soul truly matches with. The way I feel towards him is indescribable, since practically the first time we met, and I know there is no way I would ever find this with anyone else in my life. Or that I would even WANT to. I can't speak for him, but I'm sure he feels the same way--he's constantly telling me how lucky he is to have me, how much he loves me, and how amazing we are for each other. Obviously our relationship is nowhere near perfect. We have had our fair share of issues, fights, and everything that comes along with that. But we work through it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Because we know in the end that we are meant for each other--we are willing to put in the work and the effort to get through whatever obstacles we face, and we want to do it TOGETHER. We want to do life together. From now, through anything else we may have to go through during this immigration ordeal, and anything that comes our way in the future. And THAT is the most important thing.
And that is what makes it all worth it.
