I've been debating about what to post for my "obligatory New Year's post" this year. I was going to post a recap of the past year, but I thought that might be a waste of time considering I've been keeping this blog for that purpose (although I've been slacking lately, yes). So I don't think I'm going to do that. But I thought this might be a good time for reflection.
2017 was rough. This past year....I keep calling it "shit-tastic." Because a lot of it was shitty. But a lot of it was fantastic. It was the biggest, craziest rollercoaster ride I've ever been on. In the end, I feel like I've grown a lot as a person. I will always need improvement, obviously. But I think I've gained wisdom and perspective. I've gained life experience. And hopefully I can use those things to become a better person in the upcoming year.
2018 is going to be a big year. It just is. Either David is going to come back home and we will start working to rebuild the life we had before this whole mess went down; or he's not going to come back home and we will start working on a new life/adventure down in Mexico together. Regardless, we WILL be permanently reunited this year. I will be damn sure of that. That man is my life and I can't live without him. I've been living apart from him for way too long already. I refuse to do it anymore, and if something doesn't happen soon (we're talking the next few months) then that will change.
So yeah. It's gonna be a big year. But as always, we are going to take what life throws at us and just react to it in the most positive way that we can. I am a part of some deportee/deportee wives groups on Facebook, so I've had a lot of support from people going through the same thing as me, which is so, so great. You have no idea what a difference it makes to be able to talk to someone who really, legitimately UNDERSTANDS what you are going through because they are going through the same thing--rather than someone who is just listening to you vent and feeling sorry for you because of it. Sympathy vs. empathy. I always remember one of my college professors going into that concept in detail. It's the difference between me relaying my story to a friend, or a customer at my bar, or a family member, or an acquaintance. I tell them what is going on and how I feel. They are sympathetic to my situation because they feel badly for me. They wish I didn't have to go through this. They want things to be different for me. They feel sorry that I have to deal with this. I appreciate that, but I don't necessarily want it--do you know what I mean? I don't want anyone to pity me. I just want to relay the information of what I'm going through so people know and understand. But the sympathy, I could really do without. Although I appreciate that it's coming from a place of love and caring. It's hard to explain.
Now, when I'm a part of these groups of women on Facebook, American women who have Mexican husbands who have been deported and now they have to figure out their life going forward--it's a COMPLETELY different ballgame. It's EMPATHY. It's someone who is going through the same situation that I am, who understands what that means on every level, who can relate, who is actually feeling the same feelings that I am! The first time I found that was back in March, when our lawyer put us in touch with a woman from Illinois whose husband was in custody at the same facility as David (down in Louisiana) and going through the same U-Visa process as we were. We ended up spending a good two hours on the phone together. I cannot even tell you how therapeutic that was, I would say something and she would be like "YES I KNOW!" and vice versa. It was like we were the same person talking. And for the first time since David had been taken into custody, I didn't feel *ALONE* in this situation. There was someone else in this world who was going through exactly the same thing. Who was trying to figure out what to do with her husband's business if he got deported (her husband did end up getting deported a little before David). Who was struggling with so many of the feelings I was as well. It was a comfort in a way. To have someone to relate to.
And then I started exploring groups on Facebook, visa groups and immigration groups. And I ended up being added to a private group for wives of men deported (not necessarily only to Mexico, but mainly Mexico and South America). And let me tell you--meeting hundreds of American women in one place who were in exactly the position I was.....it's life-changing. It's like one of those support groups in church basements, except it's online. And you can post whenever you want instead of having to wait for meetings, and people will listen and talk back. I can speak freely on there. Like I said, it's a private group--you have to be recommended by someone and screened before you're added (Dude, I get it, this is a pretty sensitive topic nowadays) and most of us have formed a pretty good relationship. We can all post whenever we want, whatever we're feeling or going through, our experiences, our journeys. And everyone is so supportive of the others, because obviously we're all dealing with this horrible, painful, difficult time in our lives. Some of us are married, some are only engaged, some have kids, some are willing to relocate to Mexico, some can't because of obligations in the States, some are fighting their cases and others are just facing that there's nothing they can do so they have to choose between living apart and seeing each other only every so often, or relocating from America to Mexico. Regardless of it all, each and every one of these women's lives have been changed drastically. It's no longer a simple option of "Well you're married, can't you make him legal now?" because of all the laws put on the books in the past 20+ years. It's a long, difficult, expensive road and it isn't even guaranteed to be successful. It's so sad.
Anyway with that sidenote aside (lol) my point is that we are actually very blessed. A lot of couples in our position have it a lot worse. They have kids, the women have good, decent-paying jobs in America that would be hard to leave and relocate to Mexico, or they do leave their lives here but they are living in rural areas which is a COMPLETE culture shock, or they can't leave the country because of family obligations (caring for elderly or handicapped family members), or they move down there and can't find work because they don't speak the language, etc etc. With our situation, our assets, our long-term plan....we could live a good life down in Mexico City while we wait to hear about the U-Visa. And if that's denied, we could file the marriage petition, and once that is approved we could start the waiver process, and with my legal knowledge thanks to my legal studies degree and experience in the law (regardless of none of it being in immigration law) I understand the system and what is required and I would be comfortable doing that process on our own. Not to mention--again--the numerous Facebook groups I'm a part of and the experience and help they offer each other in applying for and filing visas and waivers. Screw paying an attorney. I'm more than capable of doing it for myself.
Anyway, bottom line....2018 is gonna be major. Time will tell what the hell is going to happen. But at the end of the day, as long as I have my husband and my family by my side (not necessarily physically, but THERE), I can do anything. And I will.
