This week has again been rough.
Not for the reasons you might think. Obviously, I'm missing David. It's hard to go on living life without the one you love. But at the same time, I have encountered some absolute hatred from people who disagree with me politically. And that is what is rough.
I always try to approach arguments/discussions with a sense of rational or logical thought. I believe I present my arguments in a valid manner, logically, and I try so hard not to be OR APPEAR condescending at the same time. Because that's not what I'm about. I only want to demonstrate the other side of the spectrum. Illustrate where I, and so many others, are coming from, but hopefully from a place of reason, where I won't come across as hateful or judgmental.
Apparently that is not possible in the current climate of this country.
I have deactivated my Facebook because of the absolute nastiness and judgemental attitudes that I have encountered, from those who claim to be my friends, to "love" me, and to be "tolerant and compassionate." I have learned a great deal about these people to the point where I want nothing to do with them.
I want to thank those who do hold opposing views, but have held steadfast to their ideals of true compassion, sympathy, empathy, and being kind to one another. You all should know who you are--and if you don't, I promise I will tell you in the next few days--but you are the promise and hope in this country that we all can truly unite.
To those who have pretended to be my friend, and then when I dared to challenge your point of view, you not only DIDN'T have the balls to tell me what you think to my face, but sicced one of the people I can't stand the most to do your dirty work for you--well, you my dear, are not what you say you are. I don't have to live with that--but you do. I can handle my situation--but you will forever have to live with yourself being a coward who cannot fight her own battles. Good luck.
And that's pretty much all I have to say right now.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Thursday, January 26, 2017
A rough time
So these past couple weeks have been rougher than usual for me. Obviously I have been struggling for the better part of the last six months with everything going on in David's situation, but the past couple weeks have really shown me the toll all of this has taken.
I've had my instances of what I consider depression. They tend to occur on my days off: Monday-Tuesday. I've been pretty good at fending them off lately, but the last couple of weeks they have really attacked in full force. While I wouldn't consider myself "clinically" or "seriously" depressed, I think I have been experiencing some very real depression, and I can now understand the plights of those who experience this. I don't want to do ANYTHING. My house has fallen into complete messiness. Laundry isn't getting done, dishes aren't getting done, cleaning isn't getting done. I barely get out of bed unless I have an absolute reason to--like work, or on the occasion I have plans with friends/family/need to meet with the attorney. Haha. But I can feel the tightness in my back and parts of my body from just being in bed for so many hours of the day (sleeping, reading, watching TV, but just plain NOT getting out of bed). My sleep schedule is nonexistent. I can sleep three hours a day for a whole week, and then the next week I might sleep 14 hours on my day off. I'm up until the sun comes up for five days in a row, and then on the sixth day I sleep until the sun actually goes down. But it seems like there's nothing I can do to fix that. Like I said, in past months, when this has started happening, I've been pretty good at knocking myself out of it. But at this point, it's the dead of winter--most depressing time of the year in the first place--plus this has been going on so long that I'm almost at the point of losing hope. It's so disheartening. I've always felt like I'm stronger that this. I can handle this. I'm trying to be optimistic, especially with David's six-month review. But at the same time I legitimately want to fall asleep and not wake up until a decision has been made for him to be released. This is all starting to be too much.
For what it's worth, this week has been 110% better than last week. When we got the request for evidence (RFE) in David's case, and I didn't know what they were asking us for or what it meant or anything like that until we got the mailed notice, I was a huge ball of stress and anxiety and tension; for the second time since this all started back in August--once again I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, my emotions were all over the place, and it took everything I had just to keep it all together and not self-destruct.
Obviously now that I've met with the attorney, gone over the RFE, she's spoken with David, and I've spoken with David, most of my fears are assuaged. But there's always that voice in the back of my head. It refuses to leave me alone, and it won't leave me alone until David is right back here with me.
At this point, it's not even the RFE I'm concerned about, but the six-month review. Like I said before--I'm cautiously optimistic. I think we have an amazing case for him to be released. He has a steady place to live--with me, in my house. He has offers of employment--if not with the restaurant, then with my family at Firehouse. He has the dozens of letters attesting to his good character that our family and friends wrote in support of him over the last six months--thank you guys so, so much. He has his daughter who was born here and relies on him for both emotional and financial support. At his six-month review, ICE has to demonstrate that he is a threat to public safety, and we bear the burden of proof otherwise. I think we have a pretty damn good case against that. So I honestly see no reason why they would not release him.
But crazier things have happened. And if there's anything this process has taught me over the last six months, it's to absolutely not get my hopes up.
So I suppose time will tell.
I've had my instances of what I consider depression. They tend to occur on my days off: Monday-Tuesday. I've been pretty good at fending them off lately, but the last couple of weeks they have really attacked in full force. While I wouldn't consider myself "clinically" or "seriously" depressed, I think I have been experiencing some very real depression, and I can now understand the plights of those who experience this. I don't want to do ANYTHING. My house has fallen into complete messiness. Laundry isn't getting done, dishes aren't getting done, cleaning isn't getting done. I barely get out of bed unless I have an absolute reason to--like work, or on the occasion I have plans with friends/family/need to meet with the attorney. Haha. But I can feel the tightness in my back and parts of my body from just being in bed for so many hours of the day (sleeping, reading, watching TV, but just plain NOT getting out of bed). My sleep schedule is nonexistent. I can sleep three hours a day for a whole week, and then the next week I might sleep 14 hours on my day off. I'm up until the sun comes up for five days in a row, and then on the sixth day I sleep until the sun actually goes down. But it seems like there's nothing I can do to fix that. Like I said, in past months, when this has started happening, I've been pretty good at knocking myself out of it. But at this point, it's the dead of winter--most depressing time of the year in the first place--plus this has been going on so long that I'm almost at the point of losing hope. It's so disheartening. I've always felt like I'm stronger that this. I can handle this. I'm trying to be optimistic, especially with David's six-month review. But at the same time I legitimately want to fall asleep and not wake up until a decision has been made for him to be released. This is all starting to be too much.
For what it's worth, this week has been 110% better than last week. When we got the request for evidence (RFE) in David's case, and I didn't know what they were asking us for or what it meant or anything like that until we got the mailed notice, I was a huge ball of stress and anxiety and tension; for the second time since this all started back in August--once again I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, my emotions were all over the place, and it took everything I had just to keep it all together and not self-destruct.
Obviously now that I've met with the attorney, gone over the RFE, she's spoken with David, and I've spoken with David, most of my fears are assuaged. But there's always that voice in the back of my head. It refuses to leave me alone, and it won't leave me alone until David is right back here with me.
At this point, it's not even the RFE I'm concerned about, but the six-month review. Like I said before--I'm cautiously optimistic. I think we have an amazing case for him to be released. He has a steady place to live--with me, in my house. He has offers of employment--if not with the restaurant, then with my family at Firehouse. He has the dozens of letters attesting to his good character that our family and friends wrote in support of him over the last six months--thank you guys so, so much. He has his daughter who was born here and relies on him for both emotional and financial support. At his six-month review, ICE has to demonstrate that he is a threat to public safety, and we bear the burden of proof otherwise. I think we have a pretty damn good case against that. So I honestly see no reason why they would not release him.
But crazier things have happened. And if there's anything this process has taught me over the last six months, it's to absolutely not get my hopes up.
So I suppose time will tell.
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Oh, here go hell come.
Yup. I'm writing a blog.
So I never know how to start these things, but at this point I don't really care. Chances are if you're coming across this, you already know me and my story. And if you don't, I'm sure it will come out loud and clear as I tell it through all the future entries of this blog.
I'm trying to get away from the madness that is Facebook, at this point, and more towards the act of actually "journaling." Facebook has been one giant headache for me lately, especially with everything going on, both in my personal life and in this country. Not to mention the fact that I spend WAY TOO MUCH freaking time on there. Plus, I post a lot of pretty personal things on Facebook, many of which I get critiqued for as "oversharing" or something along those lines, and I'd like to move away from the "You have to read this because I'm showing up on your news feed" to "I'm posting this on my own blog for my own purposes, and if you want to read it or not, it's up to you." Let's just get one thing out of the way--Yes, I am absolutely an over-sharer. I like to talk, I like to tell my stories, I like to lay it all out there. Always have and probably always will. If that's a problem for anyone reading this, then probably just stop reading now. But honestly, I think we can all learn from everyone else's stories. Everyone goes through a million different experiences during this crazy thing that we call life, and I'd like to put my experiences out there, if for nothing else, as a resource or comfort or consolation for others who may have gone through or are going through something similar. We all need support during the different life situations we go through. If I can throw mine into the mix, then there's one more person out there for someone like me to relate to. Not to mention, it's amazing therapy for me in the process.
Anyway, I'm going to wrap up this first entry and thank you for reading this far. I'm hoping to be posting on here fairly regularly, so I'm excited to be getting back into blogging again. See you guys soon.
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