I had a bad dream last night.
It took place at my old house down in Florida. I've noticed that a LOT of dreams are taking place at that house lately. Crazy.
David and I had gotten in one of our stupid fights. We're talking some stupid argument as it usually is. In real life, this usually results in us going to bed angry and/or annoyed. Wake up in the morning, and one of two things happens--we both apologize, acknowledge how stupid the fight was, and make up, or he attempts to apologize and make up but I'm too much of a stubborn-ass to accept it, so I like to give him the cold shoulder and hold a grudge. Like I want to make him work for my acceptance of his apology. But I typically forgive him within a couple hours anyway. :-P
But in my dream last night, I woke up the morning after our fight, and didn't hear anything from him. I was all "Huh, well, he'll see!" Two days went by, and I still didn't hear from him. I had wanted to be the stubborn one holding a grudge, making him chase me, whatever. But after a couple days, I missed him. So I tried to text him. I got no response. After a couple of texts, I tried Facebook messenger. After a couple attempts to message him, I noticed he had all of a sudden blocked me. I got a little upset, not with him, but that I couldn't get through to him. So I tried to text him again but no response. I finally called him. It rang through to voicemail. I tried again and it went straight to voicemail. So then I tried his landline (???). A girl answered, a girl I recognized as someone I used to know and actually worked with like 5+ years ago. She claimed that David didn't want to talk with me. I begged and pleaded with her to let me talk to him but he was refusing. I felt so helpless. I couldn't get through to him and there was nothing I could do about it. I cannot remember her final words to me on that call, in that dream, but she implied that he was with her and they were both happy where they were and I should just give it up.
Needless to say, I was devastated. I realized that my stubbornness and my pride and my hard head had lost me the man I believed was my soulmate. I started crying hysterically and couldn't stop. Thank GOD I woke up in that moment. Coming out of the dream, of course I had confusion. First, did that happen? I'm alone in bed so maybe it did. But then the relief of realizing that it was just a dream. And then the reality of the fact that he is still not here with me. But also the relief that, despite our situation, we still have each other and we still love each other and we're both still in it for life.
But the message of the dream was loud and clear. DON'T BE THE STUBBORN ONE. Don't go to bed angry, don't hold grudges, don't always expect the other to continue chasing you without any effort on your part. Because what if? What if he decided he was tired of always chasing for no reason? What if he just doesn't want to deal with it anymore? What if he cuts and runs?
Of course, I don't ever expect David to resort to that. At least I would hope he wouldn't. We've been through enough of these situations that if he were gonna cut and run or get tired of chasing my forgiveness, we would have been broken up a long time ago (lol). But I also understand that I need to be a little less stubborn, a little more understanding, and a little more willing to forgive when he apologizes and asks for it. Instead of trying to be all stubborn and give him the cold shoulder and just seek that attention or that chase of him trying to get me to make up with him. Because one day it just might not turn out how I thought it would, and I could lose everything simply because of my pride and stubbornness.
And that is not worth it at ALL.
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