It's Almost Time

It's almost time. In FIVE DAYS I will get to see the love of my life again!!!

Things are a bit better than how I felt the last time I posted. I just re-read that one. I was feeling pretty down when I wrote it. But that's my life lately. Ups and downs, hopes and crushed hopes, laughs and cries. My life has been the biggest rollercoaster in the last nine months but obviously in the situation I'm in, you can't be surprised.

So since that last post I've actually been able to pretty much get my shit together! Got my house clean for the most part, had some friends over last Sunday for a yard work party and got the yard back in order, and then cleaned out my car last Tuesday so it doesn't look like such a trash hole! (And I got it washed today so it's all nice and shiny too!)

Yup, so things are almost back to normal around here. I still have some things to do to get the house where I want it to be, but for the most part it's in better shape than it has been for MONTHS. And that makes me feel good.

At the same time, there has been a slight change in David's situation that makes me feel a lot better about it too. I can't write about it here, but let's just say I feel much closer to him and he feels a bit more freedom on his end for the time being. If you want to know, ask me. But it's a good thing.

And of course as it stands, I am leaving in four days to finally go see him!! Yesterday was a long-ass Mother's Day shift at work, obviously I survived, thank goodness. Then I had Monday and Tuesday off....planned to be used to get things in order for my trip. I work Wednesday and Thursday. Friday I am getting my hair done, and then heading to the airport! My flight gets in to New Orleans late Friday night, at which point I will pick up my rental car and drive the three hours west to Oakdale, where I am staying. I'll hopefully fall asleep right away, lol....gotta wake up and get ready to be at Pine Prairie at 9 AM. David's visiting hours are 10-2 and I want to be there early enough to ensure that I get in for my full two hours.

And OMG when I see him.....I can't even tell you. There will be tears. There will be lots of hugging and kissing. I will grab his ass at some point, and I'm sure he'll grab mine. And then I will get to spend two whole hours next to him. I can't even tell you what that will be like. I mean we'll probably spend the majority of it making out, since I talk to him every day anyway....HAH! But seriously. I will just be thankful for the time I have next to him.

When I leave, I'll return to the hotel. It has a pool, so if the weather is nice, I'll lay out and try to not burn my pasty-ass skin. Haha....I'll go grab dinner at some greasy spoon, maybe have a couple drinks at a dive bar, and then head back to the hotel room to sleep.

Sunday, I'll do it all over again. I get two more hours with him. I cannot wait.

After that visit, I'll drive back to NOLA and return the rental car. Then I'll take the bus to my hotel. Check in, and start my solo adventure in New Orleans! I'm most looking forward to eating and photographing while I'm there. I have quite the list of things I want to see/do/eat/drink....we'll see how much of that I can accomplish in a day and a half!

In any case, I'm most excited about seeing David. Obviously. But I'm sure I will return here and document everything from that trip, so stay tuned.....

I'm Still Here

Yes, I'm still here. Barely, but I'm here.

Life is rough lately. We are still without any answers regarding David's situation. Which means my life is still in limbo. Obviously, my decision is made that I'm staying with this man no matter what the outcome of this situation is. When I said  "Yes," I might as well have been saying "I do." I know that this is the man that I love, the one I would do anything for, my soulmate and my life and the one I cannot live without. Hopefully, and most likely, his visa case will be approved eventually and we can get him out of that place and back home where he belongs. But on the off chance that it is denied, and we don't seek appeal (which we most likely won't, because he does not want to stay in that place any longer than he has to), and he gets sent back to Mexico, I don't care. If it takes three or four or five more years from then to bring him back to the States, I will wait that long. And in the meantime be able to go visit him whenever I can.

It just sucks. I don't want to complain. But it's hard. I have to keep up with a two-story, four-bedroom, two-bathroom house. I have to pay all the bills on my own. And now that it's not winter anymore, I have to deal with the yard maintenance once again. Cutting the grass, trimming the hedges, pulling the weeds. For someone who could barely keep the house from imploding this past winter, I just don't know if I can do it.

Everybody keeps telling me how strong I am. "Strong." But I don't know if that's actually accurate. Anytime someone tells me I'm "strong," I tell them that I don't think that's right. But they insist. I mean, if "strong" means keeping my head JUST above water enough so that I don't drown, sure, I'm strong. If it means I'm living paycheck to paycheck and keeping current with my bills SOMEHOW, then sure I'm strong. If it means my house is a disaster, my yard is unkempt, my cat litter goes too long before I clean it, there's way too many dishes in my sink, my car looks like a hoarder lives in it, and I am still able to smile and laugh at people at my job because it's my job....then sure, I'm "strong."

But I really don't feel it.

While I of course want to say that I'm able to be an "independent woman who don't need no man," it's almost impossible to go from living with a man you're going to marry who is responsible for almost 50% of your household expenses, and makes much more money than you do, and is much better at taking care of the house and the yard and all that handy stuff--to immediately living by yourself, responsible for 100%  of the finances, working, and trying to take care of the things around the house that you know nothing about, and then on top of it trying to take on the responsibilities of taking on his sales business and trying to run that.

It's a lot.

I just need an answer either way. Honestly. If he can come home, that would be ideal. We could get back to our normal lives, I have complete faith that he could recover quickly with his business and selling chairs and build up what we thought was lost. If he doesn't come home, if he gets sent back to Mexico, then I need to get other plans in motion, including renting out/selling my house, other living arrangements, whatever needs to be done.

But in the meantime we're in limbo. And that is the worst part of this entire process.

I'm going to see him!!

Ever since I found out that, at his new facility in Louisiana, David could have contact-allowed visits....I've been trying to plan my trip down there. I've been going back and forth between road trips and flights, weighing the costs and the pros and the cons....and tonight that all finally came to fruition.

I booked my flight on Southwest!

I'm flying into New Orleans on a Friday night. I get in late, so hopefully I can still get my rental car. Will drive the three hours to stay in Pine Prairie Friday night. Visit him on Saturday for a couple hours. Not sure what I'll do after 3:00, but I'm sure I can drive up to Alexandria or even Baton Rouge for a little while. Come back and stay by Pine Prairie Saturday night, so I can see him again on Sunday. After the 3:00 visit on Sunday, I plan to drive back to NOLA and stay there Sunday and Monday nights. I didn't want my first visit to be without David, but I plan to bring my camera, and I think it will be more of a sightseeing/photographic trip at that point. And we'll return at a later date of course, to take advantage of much more of what is available!

I don't know. I don't really care, the only thing I'm concerned about is getting to see him, hug him, kiss him....right now, that's the only thing keeping me going while not knowing a date for his release still. So...if he is released before then, it would be AMAZING obviously. But if he's not....at least I will get to see him two days in a row, and be able to touch him for the first time in 9 months! Yes, that is how long it will have been if I visit him in May. Crazy, right??

So the trip is set. At least if I have nothing else, I have that date to look forward to. Sometimes that's all you can hope for. Right?

Game-changer.

So, as many of you may know, David was transferred from Dodge County, Wisconsin to Pine Prairie, Louisiana last week. Initially, I was freaking out, as I tend to do. I didn't know why they were moving him, I didn't know what to expect, I was upset because I had finally planned to visit him five days later and now he was being shipped all that way down south.

Well, it actually hasn't been all that bad. Turns out they were only moving him because so many of the area facilities were becoming full or overcrowded, so they were taking the people who had been in there the longest and shipping them out. According to David: The facility is bigger and better. The officers are nicer. There are a lot less restrictions--he can use the phone at any time, he can watch TV at any time, he was able to read some of the magazines I had sent him in Dodge County that they wouldn't allow for him and put into his property (SI Swimsuit Issue, Maxim), the food is better, and HE GETS TO GO OUTSIDE! And of course the weather is much warmer and sunnier down there. So his spirits have been raised significantly. Apparently the difference is that Dodge County was an actual County Jail that hosts immigration detainees, so it was much stricter. Pine Prairie is a former prison that was closed and sold to the federal government to use strictly as an ICE detention facility, so most of the people who are in there aren't exactly criminals like you would find in a county jail.

My attorney also was able to give me the info of one of her colleague's clients. He is in pretty much the same situation as David--applied for his U-Visa, has been in custody since August, got transferred to Pine Prairie about a week before David did. So I was able to give his name to David to see if he was able to find him in there. My attorney also gave me his wife's cell phone number and said that his wife told me to feel free to reach out. I finally did today, because David needed a little more info to be able to find her husband (what color he was wearing, what section he was in, etc). So we talked quite a bit by text message. She was incredibly nice and we exchanged a lot of information about each other's cases and what she had learned from her husband about what others were saying in there. Unfortunately I had to leave for work, but she says she's going to call me tomorrow. I have a million more questions for her as I'm sure she has for me. We are both extremely frustrated with how long this is all taking, so it's a breath of fresh air to have someone who is in pretty much the same situation as me to be able to talk to and relate to!!

The one thing that really stuck out to me, and was like a "WHOA" moment, was that she said she went to visit her husband last weekend. And she told me THEY ALLOW CONTACT THERE!! When I went to visit David in Dodge Co, it was behind glass and we had to talk through a phone. Apparently at Pine Prairie, contact visits ARE allowed (contrary to what the ICE website says). She said they could hug, kiss, he could hold the kids, etc. And that moment right there was a GAME-CHANGER. I pretty much made up my mind that, despite the 13-14 hour drive, I was going to visit David no matter what. If you tell me I have two straight hours with him, for two days in a row (she said she was able to visit BOTH Saturday and Sunday), AND I'm allowed to hug him and kiss him and touch him and hold his hand for the first time in over eight months?! UM YEAH. A 14-hour drive is NOTHING. I need that, so, so bad. And I'm sure he does too.

So now all I can think about is this visit. I've already got a tentative plan in the works--a couple people were very quick to offer to road-trip down there with me, so we're working on it--but it's going to happen no matter what. I'm hoping we can make it work for the last weekend in April, so we'll see. I was trying to be optimistic that he would be released by mid-April, but now talking to this woman, it seems like her husband is a couple weeks ahead of David as far as the application process. So maybe whatever happens with his case could be a good timeline of what will happen with David's case. Like, if they reach a decision with this guy's case, we should expect one a couple weeks after that. But it depends on her timeline too, like when she received their RFE and submitted the documents and all that, compared with when we did. But that will be information I'll get from her when I talk to her on the phone, hopefully.

But yeah, when she said they allowed contact, I instantly started weighing my possibilities for going down there. It's so crazy, like at first when I thought it was gonna be the same (no-contact visits) I was like yeah....I can't justify that drive, and/or taking off work just to go see him behind a freaking glass wall. I can write to him and talk to him on the phone and save the money I'd waste on traveling. But when you are told that you have the chance to hug, kiss, hold, touch, and be right next to the person you're in love with, when you haven't had that for 8+ months (which is how long it will be by the time I do see him), it's almost like--what WOULDN'T I give for that opportunity!! I talked to him a bit about it today. He said he would love to see me of course, but I know he's worried about me driving so far. But I'm not going to do it alone. And like I've said eight million times today--IT WOULD ALL BE WORTH IT, just to give him the biggest hug ever and kiss his lips and touch his face and hold his hand. All things I have been so desperate to be able to do since August, and now I'm being told I'm allowed to do them?!

I would drive halfway around the world for that chance.

Don't Dream It's Over....

I had a bad dream last night.

It took place at my old house down in Florida. I've noticed that a LOT of dreams are taking place at that house lately. Crazy.

David and I had gotten in one of our stupid fights. We're talking some stupid argument as it usually is. In real life, this usually results in us going to bed angry and/or annoyed. Wake up in the morning, and one of two things happens--we both apologize, acknowledge how stupid the fight was, and make up, or he attempts to apologize and make up but I'm too much of a stubborn-ass to accept it, so I like to give him the cold shoulder and hold a grudge. Like I want to make him work for my acceptance of his apology. But I typically forgive him within a couple hours anyway. :-P

But in my dream last night, I woke up the morning after our fight, and didn't hear anything from him. I was all "Huh, well, he'll see!" Two days went by, and I still didn't hear from him. I had wanted to be the stubborn one holding a grudge, making him chase me, whatever. But after a couple days, I missed him. So I tried to text him. I got no response. After a couple of texts, I tried Facebook messenger. After a couple attempts to message him, I noticed he had all of a sudden blocked me. I got a little upset, not with him, but that I couldn't get through to him. So I tried to text him again but no response. I finally called him. It rang through to voicemail. I tried again and it went straight to voicemail. So then I tried his landline (???). A girl answered, a girl I recognized as someone I used to know and actually worked with like 5+ years ago. She claimed that David didn't want to talk with me. I begged and pleaded with her to let me talk to him but he was refusing. I felt so helpless. I couldn't get through to him and there was nothing I could do about it. I cannot remember her final words to me on that call, in that dream, but she implied that he was with her and they were both happy where they were and I should just give it up.

Needless to say, I was devastated. I realized that my stubbornness and my pride and my hard head had lost me the man I believed was my soulmate. I started crying hysterically and couldn't stop. Thank GOD I woke up in that moment. Coming out of the dream, of course I had confusion. First, did that happen? I'm alone in bed so maybe it did. But then the relief of realizing that it was just a dream. And then the reality of the fact that he is still not here with me. But also the relief that, despite our situation, we still have each other and we still love each other and we're both still in it for life.

But the message of the dream was loud and clear. DON'T BE THE STUBBORN ONE. Don't go to bed angry, don't hold grudges, don't always expect the other to continue chasing you without any effort on your part. Because what if? What if he decided he was tired of always chasing for no reason? What if he just doesn't want to deal with it anymore? What if he cuts and runs?

Of course, I don't ever expect David to resort to that. At least I would hope he wouldn't. We've been through enough of these situations that if he were gonna cut and run or get tired of chasing my forgiveness, we would have been broken up a long time ago (lol). But I also understand that I need to be a little less stubborn, a little more understanding, and a little more willing to forgive when he apologizes and asks for it. Instead of trying to be all stubborn and give him the cold shoulder and just seek that attention or that chase of him trying to get me to make up with him. Because one day it just might not turn out how I thought it would, and I could lose everything simply because of my pride and stubbornness.

And that is not worth it at ALL.

THE ROOMMATE FROM HELL!! One year later....

Okay so it's been almost a whole year since we kicked out our Roommate From Hell™!!

Back then, I posted the story on Facebook in increments. Everyone got a kick out of it. I figured it would be good to post here, both for my factual necessity, and for those who never got to hear the complete story in the first place! ENJOY!!!

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The Roommate From Hell™!!
By Lauren Kuhn

Okay so here goes. There was this girl, Janice. She started working at my job at the Chew Chew in early February. She was supposed to take a week-long trip in the midst of her training, with her (7 month old) daughter and baby-daddy, to settle some custody issue with the dad's other daughter down in Florida (I didn't know this at this point). Anyway, we thought she wasn't gonna come back, because of the horrible luck of people sticking around at our job.

But she did! She came back, finished her training, and started working. She was a great employee. We all got along with her. And then all of a sudden her baby daddy (whom she was supposed to get married to and all that) kicked her out of the house one day, cried domestic violence against her (a six-foot black man, against a 5'3 Brazilian skinny-ass chick?), so she started living out of a hotel room. But in the midst of all this, despite her not having a car or anything, she did what she had to do to get to work, to get her daughter taken care of, to cover her bases. I saw it. I admired it. Having worked with people who would use any excuse to NOT come in to work, this girl was begging for shifts to make more money, saying she would work six days a week, to do whatever she could to support herself and her daughter during this difficult time.

So then she moves out of the hotel into a room with a friend on the north side of the city. At this point she's commuting 2-ish hours to and from work via public transportation. And I'm like--really? I have an empty room in my house. I live 7 minutes from work. I could provide her with a place to stay while she gets back on her feet, saves up her money for her own place, yada yada, right?
Yes, she had an 8-month-old. But she said she was such a happy baby, never cried, was such a joy. Okay, that's fine. Even if the baby cries sometimes, it's a kid. It's fine. We talked it over a little bit--and then all of a sudden she was moving in.

And everything was fine! For the first.....week.

So this bitch moves in. She sets up all her stuff in her room. So okay, in our house, we have two levels. Our bedroom and David's daughter's bedroom is upstairs. We also have a bathroom upstairs; however, we don't use the shower in there because I keep the cat's litter boxes in the tub. So we can use the bathroom up there, but we still shower downstairs. I told her that before she moved in. She was like "oh, well I have an inflatable duck I keep in the tub for Mima, but I can keep it in my room if I need to." Okay fine whatever.

So she moves in. We're all working together. We're doing things like getting food at work and eating together, or I'm cooking for us, or she's cooking for us, and we're all eating at the kitchen table together. Her baby is so cute and sweet and things are great. I'm like "Sweet, we have a cool roommate with an adorable baby and I'm getting a little extra rent money out of it!!"
Ummmm.......til things changed at the SNAP of a finger. Like, in a major WTF way.

So it was a Monday night. About a week after she moved in. David and I left to go find a new kitchen table. She wasn't feeling good, and she kept running to the bathroom (apparently to throw up) and we were holding the baby at that time. So we were about to leave, and she said she was gonna go to the ER because she kept throwing up.

Now, forgive me for the lack of compassion....when I'm throwing up, I deal with it in my own house and move on with my life. Which you'll see soon enough.

So she dumps the baby with the babysitter, we go to the furniture store, she goes to the ER. We buy a kitchen table. Then we go to Applebee's afterwards for dinner and a margarita (Keep in mind, this was National Margarita Day, hah!). But honestly whatever. We had dinner, drinks, came home, and went to sleep. She didn't come back home that night.

I woke up the next morning feeling like death.


This is a Tuesday I will never forget. I woke up at 7:00 in the morning, feeling like death. My stomach was churning like a mofo. I hadn't even drank that much the night before, but this was worse than any hangover I had EVER had. I tried to sleep or at least rest before I had to work that day. Found out Janice came home during the early afternoon, and called in to work like two hours before she had to be there (she was only training behind the bar, but still), and she said she had a doctor's note for the next few days. So of course when she called in, I knew I couldn't call in too (such are the ails of working in a restaurant), so I showed up to work.

Long story short--I showed up to work, my boss caught me almost falling on the ground, thank God he sent me home once the other servers got there, and then I ended up throwing up all over the place anyway. It was a fun night. NOT.

So Janice, after being in the ER, had all these prescriptions available to her that she was offering to me. She had something for the nausea (which I took), something for IBS (which she offered to me but I didn't need), and Oxycontin, which she offered me for the pain, but I was like "WTF? I just have to vomit, I don't need Oxy for this shit!"

But let's focus on her and the Oxycontin.

So! This Friday afternoon was the afternoon leading into CHIVERISH!! We had planned for this girl to take over our shit for the weekend in anticipation of Chiverish. Watching our cats, our house, etc etc...but apparently she showed up at work, after she called in two minutes after having to be there, strung out and not focusing on anyone.....yeah. Obviously we were still going, And she was still strung out.

So then what happens?

Her baby cries NONSTOP. I''m fully convinced it's because she's being neglected.
This bitch starts taking advantage of everything we're trying to offer to her. And I can see, in her eyes, every time I talk to her, she is strung out, she's not all there, she is out of it. I don't like that.
She calls in sick two more times, and loses her job at our restaurant.
At this point I'm so over her bullshit. She's strung out on pills or whatever, I don't know, I don't care, but it shouldn't be my problem!

So I say....."You know what? My brother was trying to buy a house, but it fell through, so now he needs a place to live until he can find a house, so you have to be out on April 1st...."

Okay, also addressing something about the Oxy--apparently this girl had kidney problems, and her kidneys were in pain when she went to the ER that first time, so maybe that's why they gave her the Oxy. I think.

Anyway, so we get home from the weekend and the house is still intact--phew. But this girl does NOTHING. She's sleeping 20 hours a day, with the baby too! How do you get a baby to sleep that much?! She's not looking for a job, she's not doing ANYTHING, I'm like wtf?!

Oh, also during this time, she is using our washer and dryer NONSTOP. She's doing multiple loads of clothes, and multiple times! We finally had to tell her to stop it because she was totally taking advantage. She claimed my cats peed on her stuff. HAH. First, they pee in the littler box. Second, you'd smell that crap all through the house if they really did pee on your stuff!!

Soooo we finally get fed up. Like I said before, we told her she had to be out by April 1st. I made up the stuff about my brother so that, hopefully, there would be less drama involved. Surprisingly, she was totally fine with it. She said she might get a bartending job in the city with a friend of hers, and they'd probably get a place together out that way. Okay. So that's good. Only a couple more weeks with this psycho....

And then one day she leaves the house.....and doesn't come back. I finally get a FB message from her--she is in the hospital again! WTF! She ends up being there for TEN DAYS. The baby was initially with the sitter, but then the dad ended up taking her.

You guys...that ten days was GLORIOUS. But then I started getting worried. She wasn't looking for another place to live...she wasn't looking for a job.....wtf, was she going to be able to leave my house?!

Then one day, I go into her room to put some mail on her bed. And I'm like....it is FREEZING in here!! Did she leave a window open?! I push back the blinds, and--the window is SMASHED! Like, holes in the glass of both the storm window AND the regular window!! I called David downstairs to look, and I'm like "WTF happened in here?!" In the end, we decided not to say anything to her and see if she mentioned it after she got home. She didn't. Surprise surprise.

So she finally comes home from the hospital. I very rarely see her over the next few days, but she doesn't mention anything about the window. She turned the heat up a couple times, and I kept turning it down (I keep it at 66 or 67 in the winter). If it's cold in your room, fix the window bitch!

Anyway, the day before she's supposed to be out, of course she asks David if she can use his trailer. She can't afford a mover or to rent a truck (surprise surprise) and he's like, you freeloading bitch!! He resisted a little, but in the end we just wanted her out, so he's like "Fine, I'll do it." She claimed she would throw him some gas money--yeah right.

Next day is moving day. FINALLY! She's packing and stuff, and OF COURSE she starts doing laundry. Uh-uh. I had a couple loads I needed to do, so once her first load was finished, I put it in the dryer and put MY stuff in. When it was done, David and I went downstairs so I could put my stuff in the dryer and he could put a load in the wash. We go down to the basement--she already had put my stuff in the dryer, and another load in the wash!! WTF! And she had her sheets in a pile on the table, and another pile on her bed which I'm assuming she was going to do next. I'm like no way, as far as I'm concerned you no longer live here, go to the damn laundromat, you're not doing your laundry for free!

But then, upon opening the washer, I see her comforter stuffed in there. And I notice the bucket hadn't been agitating like it should at that point in the cycle. So I shut the lid again. Nothing. And then I smell the faint burning smell. I'm like OH NO THIS BITCH DID NOT JUST BREAK MY WASHING MACHINE!!! So David starts trying to pull the comforter out and it's just STUCK in there. Why the hell are you trying to wash this giant comforter in a small washing machine anyway?!
Well, she's at CVS and I had to take a shower before work so we just left the stuff there. But we tried the knob on a couple different settings and it did start working again, so I was like--thank goodness for that. She got back while I was in the shower, and David took her downstairs to show her that her comforter was stuck and the washing machine wasn't working. He left her down there to try to get it out.

She comes back upstairs and says "Okay, I got it out. The machine is working now." I go back down to the basement, open the washer--and she has a completely different load in there! I just go "HELL NO" and take everything, soaking wet, out of the washing machine and dump it in the sink on top of the comforter. I went back upstairs and said, "I took all your stuff out of the washer. It still smells like burning and I want to give the machine a rest so it doesn't break, so please don't do any more laundry in there." She tried to claim, again, that the cat peed on her comforter. I'm like "They don't just go around peeing on things. Whatever. Just go to the laundromat."

So I leave for work with the knowledge that she will be GONE when I get home--yay!!

So her baby daddy comes at like 6:00 that night to help her move. David gives them NO help loading or unloading, except to just drive the trailer to where she needs to go. But he's hanging out in the kitchen to make sure they aren't taking anything that isn't theirs. At one point he goes in to one of our cabinets and notices she took all his canned goods--the good stuff--while leaving her own generic crap that she got from the food pantry, in the cabinet. He calls her over and asks if she's gonna take her cans. She goes, "Oh, I already got them." He says, "No, those were mine. You took the wrong ones." She was like "Oh no, they were mine!" WTF. So he goes "Whatever, just keep them, but get these out of here, I'm not going to eat them." So she takes those.

He also asked her about the window at one point. "Oh, that was like that when I moved in." BULLSHIT. 1) The blinds were open the day you moved in, and the windows were completely intact! and 2) So you were sleeping in a room with your baby when it was 20 degrees outside and you NEVER bothered to say something to us, like, "Hey guys, are you gonna fix this window??" Whatever. Not that I expected any money from her to fix it, but seriously! Take some damn responsibility!!

So she leaves with little to no drama.....THANK GOD. But then later that night and over the next few days, we find things missing here and there. Some of our glasses. Some of our silverware. Two rolls of aluminum foil, a roll of plastic wrap, Ziploc bags, and a huge roll of big garbage bags. Some of my cleaning supplies. It's like--are you effing serious?! THAT WAS NOT YOUR STUFF. I paid for that stuff!! So what if we had three rolls of aluminum foil? IT WAS NOT yours to take!! I don't care if you thought we needed it or not--I PAID for it, it's MINE.
So yeah. I'm still finding little things like "Where did this go?" And stuff like that. So I'm still getting pissed off. She's got all this welfare and free shit and she is STILL taking my stuff. Not to mention getting her nails done and going to the gym and stuff....when she SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR A JOB. UGGGHHHHH. And you guys wonder why I don't support that kind of crap?!
Anyway, the important thing is, she's GONE. And I will never, ever do that again. I just feel bad for that poor kid. She doesn't have a prayer. Two deadbeat, ignorant, irresponsible parents to bring her up. She'll be growing up on welfare, just to end up the same way! Good freaking luck.

Counting My Blessings

Despite everything that has been going on with David's situation, and life in general, in the last seven months, I've been trying to keep the most positive attitude I can. It's hard sometimes, but I figure I have a choice--I can either pull the covers over my head, sulk, be miserable and depressed, have a shitty attitude, and negatively affect others around me. Or I can continue to face life head-on, be optimistic, look at the bright side of whatever I can, and take the support and love I have all around me and channel that into the most positive attitude I can muster.

Being happy and having a good attitude, even while David is away in that shithole, doesn't mean that I'm happy with the situation. But it's the best way I can choose to react to the situation.

"A negative attitude drains, a positive attitude energizes." -Lindsey Rietzsch

How true that is! When I've been at my lowest, and at my darkest, in the past seven months, if I allow myself to let whatever I'm feeling show through my attitude, it has ALWAYS made me feel absolutely worse. But it's the days I show up to work, or I show up to get-togethers, or I show up wherever, and I choose to be positive and happy and engaging, that I actually *FEEL* better overall. Even to the point of allowing myself to blast "Call Me Maybe" in the car and belt out the words with the windows down even if people are looking, it's ENERGIZING.

But one of the most important things I've been doing is counting my blessings. I pray a lot more now. I thank God for what I have and what I am blessed with. And I really sit and think about those blessings. The amazing things in my life, despite the hardships. This past weekend with my Chive family just serves to reinforce all the great things and people I have in my life.

Every single person that embraced me this past weekend is a blessing. Every single person who reiterated their support, kissed David's face-on-a-stick (LOL), offered kind words, and was just THERE for me, is a blessing. Despite this incredible hardship, my life is so full, and a lot of it is because of all these wonderful people that David and I have been so fortunate to meet and be able to call friends. TRUE friends.

And it's because of them, along with our amazing families, and so many customers at work who have grown to feel like family, and all of our other friends and loved ones....that I'm able to make it through day by day waiting for news about David's situation.

Speaking of work, tonight I officially accepted a "promotion" of sorts at my job, which is another blessing I'm so thankful for. I will essentially be the bar manager, which comes with a bit more responsibility and an hourly raise, which is always awesome. I'm thankful for this opportunity and glad that my boss feels I'm worthy of it. So we'll see how this goes!

In any case, I do have a lot to be thankful for, regardless of the shitty things that are going on in my life. But hopefully those shitty things will be over soon and life can return back to normal and I can once again be reunited with my other half. I cannot wait for that day.